he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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