I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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