the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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