So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
