420 ftw
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
