Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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