Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
