i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
