is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This toilet bowl is my home.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
