Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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