oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
