Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
a search helicopter?!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
