her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
