if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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