My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
