no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You're a waste of cheezeits
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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