My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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