I showed him my bush... on skype.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
