Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
