is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Princesses don't give blow jobs
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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