it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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