I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
