If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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