He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
