Michael Bay diarrhea
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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