i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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