Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize