The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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