I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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