Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
