So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
We need to get me chipped asap
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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