Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
