WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
