I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
