i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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