is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
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