SEEEEXXX PLEASE
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
