fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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