I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
