I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
