You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Sorry about my life...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
