just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
