She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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