Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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