Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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