Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
