I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
