pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
