awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
