my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
