the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Someone came in the potted fern
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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