you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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