U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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