I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
