Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
