Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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