In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
