Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
