And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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