Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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