im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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