You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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