if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
