either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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