so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
my poor anus
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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