i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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