I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
