I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
