Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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