I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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