woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
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