I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
