there was a trapeze. enough said
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize