3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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