I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize